LAUGHTER
Laughter and anger are mutually exclusive.
Laugh and your stress level will drop.
When you laugh your cells laugh with you.
Laughter improves the quality of life.
Make room in your life for people who laugh.
You'll do great things together.
Look for the funny side of problems.
The problems will become smaller.
Fear shrinks away in the face of laughter.
Laugh away the darkness.
Life is hilarious if you take the time to look for the humor in it.
Each time you laugh well, you lose THREE calories. GET SLIM!
Learn to laugh at yourself. You're a fluke of the universe.
Laughter helps you to release your creative abilities.
Laugh Often - people who laugh have more friends.
Laughter and anger are mutually exclusive.
Laugh and your stress level will drop.
When you laugh your cells laugh with you.
Laughter improves the quality of life.
Make room in your life for people who laugh.
You'll do great things together.
Look for the funny side of problems.
The problems will become smaller.
Fear shrinks away in the face of laughter.
Laugh away the darkness.
Life is hilarious if you take the time to look for the humor in it.
Each time you laugh well, you lose THREE calories. GET SLIM!
Learn to laugh at yourself. You're a fluke of the universe.
Laughter helps you to release your creative abilities.
Laugh Often - people who laugh have more friends.
It’s time to Laugh and Relax your mind
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER:
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up toAmritsar
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but were unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon, which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows say 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but were unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon, which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows say 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Just for Laugh:
A man calls up a mental hospital.
“ I would like to speak to the guy in room 27”
The receptionist goes to 27 ,finds it unoccupied and tells the caller,” Sorry sir, but there’s nobody in that room”.
“ Good,” Comes the reply,” That means I managed to escape.
Laugh about your mistakes, But, learn from them.
Joke over your troubles, But, gather strength from them.
Have fun with your difficulties, But, overcome them.
That's the way to live LIFE.
Funny Marraige Quotes:
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas
*********
The great question.... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
- Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison
*********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
- James Holt McGavran
*********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
- Patrick Murray
*********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
*********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
- Henny Youngman
*********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
*********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
*********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
*********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Funny Definitions:
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:- As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny:- He became father only after I was born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
----------------------------
Student (to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pupil: "Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?"
Teacher: "But your parents don’t have a computer."
Pupil: "Exactly!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A student to his teacher: " I haven’t got no pencil."
Teacher, correcting him: " You don’t have any pencil. He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils."
Student, with a look of astonishment: "Where have all the pencils gone?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher to girl: "Why are you late?"
Girl: "I started late from home".
Teacher: "Why didn’t you start early?"
Girl: "By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher to the student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
Student: To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
Student: See, how effective it is!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert: That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:Mohan,Assam is special for what product? Mohan:I Dont know mam.
Teacher:Ok I'll give you a clue, from where doyou get tea powder?
Mohan: From our neighbour's house!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke over your troubles, But, gather strength from them.
Have fun with your difficulties, But, overcome them.
That's the way to live LIFE.
Enjoy this one and hope this will not happen in our organization.
On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company
noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
"How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed
that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month,
Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet
and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies to everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man
I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas
*********
The great question.... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
- Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison
*********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
- James Holt McGavran
*********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
- Patrick Murray
*********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
*********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
- Henny Youngman
*********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
*********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
*********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
*********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Funny Definitions:
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late & late when you are early.
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Smile Please
Hope you may feel fun while read the below Jokes,
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
------------------------------
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
------------------------------
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes at least today
------------------------------
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
------------------------------
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number?
------------------------------
GIRL: Darling, I want to dance with you like this forever.
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve?
------------------------------
BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon?
------------------------------
SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
------------------------------
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
------------------------------
Teacher: "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil: "A teacher".
------------------------------
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman"..
------------------------------
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
------------------------------
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
------------------------------
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
------------------------------
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Here I share u with some of the jokes that I came across.
>A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird
flying
> >overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
over him.
> >The sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly.
> > *************
> >A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it
up and
> >says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"
> > ***********
> >How many sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
> >Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
> > ***********
> >Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world?
> >Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been
assigned
> >to.
> > **********
> >Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one
else
> >could use them if he lost his checkbook?
> > **********
> >Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to give him
all their
> >burnt out light bulbs?
> >He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom
> > *********
> >Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
> >"Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two
jackets?".
> >"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can said to
put on
two
> >coats."
> > **********
> >A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the
middle
of
> >a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day
three
miles;
> >
> >the following day less than a mile.
> >then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each
day, he
> >replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting
farther
> >away from the paint can."
> > **********
> >We're almost there," said the Santa Singh to Banta Singh. "See
those
> >two houses over there... mine's the one in the middle!"
> > **********
> >Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
> >They're there for those who don't drink.
> > **********
> >Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
> >So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going
to work
or
> >
> >coming home.
> > **********
> >A sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
> >"I don't have to think-I'm sardar!"
> > **********
> >A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were lost in the desert.
They were
> >driving around in a Jeep when it broke down,
> >because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of
> >the Jeep as they continued their journey. The japanese took the
> >radiator, the britisher took the seat, and the sardar took the
door.
After
> >a while of walking the britisher asked the japanese "I'm confused,
why
did
> >you bring the radiator?" The japanese responded, "If I get
thirsty,I can
> >drink the fluid." Next the sardar asked the britisher "Why did you
bring
> >the seat?" So the britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to
sit on
> >the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."
> >Finally the japanese asked the sardar why he had chosen the
door.The
> >sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot
all I
> >have to do is roll down the window."
> > *********
> >Why couldn't the sardar write the number "eleven"?
> >He didn't know which "one" came first...
> > **********
> >Why does a sardar only change his baby's diapers once a month?
> >Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds."
> > **********
> >Did you hear about the sardar skydiver?
> >He missed the Earth!
>A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird
flying
> >overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
over him.
> >The sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly.
> > *************
> >A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it
up and
> >says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"
> > ***********
> >How many sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
> >Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
> > ***********
> >Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world?
> >Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been
assigned
> >to.
> > **********
> >Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one
else
> >could use them if he lost his checkbook?
> > **********
> >Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to give him
all their
> >burnt out light bulbs?
> >He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom
> > *********
> >Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
> >"Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two
jackets?".
> >"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can said to
put on
two
> >coats."
> > **********
> >A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the
middle
of
> >a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day
three
miles;
> >
> >the following day less than a mile.
> >then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each
day, he
> >replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting
farther
> >away from the paint can."
> > **********
> >We're almost there," said the Santa Singh to Banta Singh. "See
those
> >two houses over there... mine's the one in the middle!"
> > **********
> >Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
> >They're there for those who don't drink.
> > **********
> >Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
> >So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going
to work
or
> >
> >coming home.
> > **********
> >A sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
> >"I don't have to think-I'm sardar!"
> > **********
> >A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were lost in the desert.
They were
> >driving around in a Jeep when it broke down,
> >because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of
> >the Jeep as they continued their journey. The japanese took the
> >radiator, the britisher took the seat, and the sardar took the
door.
After
> >a while of walking the britisher asked the japanese "I'm confused,
why
did
> >you bring the radiator?" The japanese responded, "If I get
thirsty,I can
> >drink the fluid." Next the sardar asked the britisher "Why did you
bring
> >the seat?" So the britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to
sit on
> >the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."
> >Finally the japanese asked the sardar why he had chosen the
door.The
> >sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot
all I
> >have to do is roll down the window."
> > *********
> >Why couldn't the sardar write the number "eleven"?
> >He didn't know which "one" came first...
> > **********
> >Why does a sardar only change his baby's diapers once a month?
> >Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds."
> > **********
> >Did you hear about the sardar skydiver?
> >He missed the Earth!
U will cry with laughter!..dont blame me..!!..
[This is a joke that is really funny and it works!]
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:- As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny:- He became father only after I was born.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
----------------------------
Student (to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pupil: "Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?"
Teacher: "But your parents don’t have a computer."
Pupil: "Exactly!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A student to his teacher: " I haven’t got no pencil."
Teacher, correcting him: " You don’t have any pencil. He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils."
Student, with a look of astonishment: "Where have all the pencils gone?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher to girl: "Why are you late?"
Girl: "I started late from home".
Teacher: "Why didn’t you start early?"
Girl: "By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher to the student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
Student: To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
Student: See, how effective it is!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert: That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:Mohan,Assam is special for what product? Mohan:I Dont know mam.
Teacher:Ok I'll give you a clue, from where doyou get tea powder?
Mohan: From our neighbour's house!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FUN IN MARRIED LIFE
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor." I asked her ,
"Where's the car?"
She replied,"In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I was a fool
when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear,
but I was in love
and didn't notice."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
-
When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him
keep her.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to interrupt
her.
---------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to report it since the thief was spending much
less than his wife
did.
-------------------------------------------------------
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't
know son,
I'm still paying."
----------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married; then it was
too late.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same:
"You can have
mine."
----------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope
over experience.
----------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than
single men. It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.
------------------------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can
find such a man.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets
double of what he
gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,"Okay, give
me a million
dollarsa and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------------------------
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive
When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u an eye specialist !!
If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
During Marriage ceremony why is the groom is made to sit on the
horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a
fool............
I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
i got a HEART ATTACK
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
True love is like a pillow
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means .........pick d phone idiot
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to
exclamatory sentence ...
Student : WOW !
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor." I asked her ,
"Where's the car?"
She replied,"In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I was a fool
when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear,
but I was in love
and didn't notice."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
-
When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him
keep her.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to interrupt
her.
---------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to report it since the thief was spending much
less than his wife
did.
-------------------------------------------------------
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't
know son,
I'm still paying."
----------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married; then it was
too late.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same:
"You can have
mine."
----------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope
over experience.
----------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than
single men. It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.
------------------------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can
find such a man.
----------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets
double of what he
gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,"Okay, give
me a million
dollarsa and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------------------------
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive
When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u an eye specialist !!
If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
During Marriage ceremony why is the groom is made to sit on the
horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a
fool............
I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
i got a HEART ATTACK
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
True love is like a pillow
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means .........pick d phone idiot
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to
exclamatory sentence ...
Student : WOW !
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide
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